The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
