yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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