I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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