I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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