If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
