you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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