I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
