girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
