So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
