I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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