he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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