woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
