I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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