take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
