u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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