I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
