Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
