Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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