i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I AM VODKA MAN
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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