i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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