They should really pass out barf bags in church
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
