Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
