I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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