my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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