If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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