I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
