youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Success! We fucked roommates!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
