She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she peed on how many people?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
where are my eyebrows?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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