Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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