I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
