I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
