Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
