Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
