So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
