If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
