i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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