...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
