I'm drive I can fine osifer
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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