Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
