3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
