So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
