Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
