Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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