i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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