I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
