You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
