so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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