Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
