Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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