P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
