Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
